WIN Wyoming
Thought Bullets
for
April 2001
Several years ago, I attended a presentation on irrational beliefs often held by humans. For the month of April, I want to share the thoughts and my notes with you. I try to review these thoughts every few months, and try to let go of my own irrational beliefs.
1. It is an absolute necessity to be loved and approved
by peers, family and friends.
It is impossible to please all
the people in your life.Thought Bullets--April 2001 People who like and approve of you will be turned-off
by some of your behaviors. This irrational thought is probably the single
greatest cause of unhappiness.
2. You should be unfailingly competent in all you do.
No one person can be perfect in
everything. The result of perfection expectations is inevitable failure and then
self-blame. Many perfectionists suffer from a paralysis of fear and soon stop
attempting anything.
3. Happiness is achieved by endless leisure. A person
should strive for constant happiness.
There is more to happiness than
perfect relaxation. Most of us find this boring after a few days. There is
plenty of happiness in the world, it is just not constant. Endless happiness is
an unrealistic expectation resulting in unnecessary feelings of guilt.
4. You should go to great lengths to please others.
Otherwise, others will abandon or reject you.
Offer others your true
unembellished self. Let them chose to take it or leave it. If people respond to
the real you, you don’t have to engage in the exhausting process of putting up
a good front.
5. Happiness and fulfillment can only occur in the
presence of others.
Enjoying your own company is
perhaps one of the best predictors of happiness. Happiness can be experienced
alone or with others. Times of solitude and reflection can be a special gift.
6. You shouldn’t feel pain. A good life is pain-free.
Pain is an inevitable part of
life. No one escapes life pain-free (either physical pain or emotional pain).
Life is not always fair. Sometimes you suffer no matter what you do. Let go of
the irrational belief of leading a "pain-free" life. Think of all the
money you’ll save!
7. Anger is bad.
Anger is a human emotion, and can
result in a cleansing of the soul. Anger is not bad - how we act out our anger
determines whether anger is cleansing or destructive. Suppressing anger is
dangerous.
8. Taking care of you needs and wants is selfish.
If you are a miserable person,
some of your misery rubs off on the people surrounding you. Your happiness is
your responsibility. You can not share happiness with others if you are
miserable yourself.
9. Your worth as a person depends on how much you
achieve and produce.
Money is a lousy way of keeping
score. Achievements may not be much better. Value of human life includes many
characteristics difficult to measure - including joy of living, human
compassion, and friendliness.
10. There is perfect love; perfect relationships.
If you seek a perfect
relationship, you’ll spend your life going from one imperfect relationship to
another. You’ll feel like a failure and spend your life waiting for the
impossible. Try this instead - find great pleasure from the imperfect
friendships in your life.
Compiled by Betty Holmes, MS, RD