How to Help a Friend

 

If you have a friend who has been sexually assaulted, here are some tips for helping them through this trauma.

•    Believe them!  The best thing you can do for your friend is to believe them when they tell you that they were sexually assaulted.
•    Give them control.  Sexual assault survivors need the chance to re-establish a sense of personal control over what happens in their lives.  The survivor needs to be heard, respected, to understand all of the options available to them, and to move at his/her own pace through the recovery process.
•    Time is of the essence.  Your friend may be in crisis and in need of immediate support.  Also, the window for securing evidence for possible prosecution is short.  At the same time, the survivor may need time and ongoing support to recover from the assault in a constructive manner.
•    Be a partner in healing.  In addition to the effects it has on the survivor, rape profoundly affects their loved ones.  

The best thing you can do for a person who has been assaulted is to listen without judgment.  Remain calm, and let them do the talking.  Encourage them to seek medical attention and counseling.

Remember, it is their choice who to tell about the assault and how.  UW employees should be clear and upfront about your reporting obligations, and refer them to confidential resources if they don’t want to share something you have to report.  

•    Listen without interrupting.
•    Don’t panic.  Remain calm and concerned.
•    Respect the language the person uses to identify what has happened.
•    Allow them to express their feelings.
•    Acknowledge discomfort and courage.
•    Remind them that they are not at fault.
•    Allow them to make their own decisions – don’t tell them what they “have to do.”
•    Provide resources and options.

 

 

How to Help a Friend who has been Accused of Sexual Assault:

 

If you have a friend who has been accused of sexual assault, here are some tips for helping them through this difficult time.

•    Direct your friend to resources.  There are individuals on campus who are available to talk with a person accused of sexual assault.  They can help your friend understand what might happen next.  This can be a difficult, confusing, and emotional time for both of you.  Encourage your friend to speak with the Dean of Students Office to learn more about what to expect.

•    Recommend that your friend seek support.  There are a lot of emotions that can surface because of a sexual assault accusation.  A support person, such as a counselor, can help your friend sort through these emotions in a healthy way.  It may also be helpful for you to seek support or counseling to deal with the emotions you may be experiencing as a result of this situation.

•    Get educated on the issue of sexual assault.  The more information you know, the better you will understand what your friend is going through.  The information on this website can be helpful in answering your questions.  You may also contact the SAFE Project or the Dean of Students office.

•    Be available to listen.  Even though your friend may be uncomfortable talking about the matter, let them know that you are available to listen to them.

•    Avoid judging. Remember, being a friend doesn't mean that you need to agree with everything your friend does.  You can help your friend without making a judgment as to whether or not a sexual assault occurred.