Family and Consumer Sciences
College of Agriculture, Life Sciences and Natural Resources
- Take care of your own role model by
- Prioritizing time together with your partner
- Demonstrating affection and respect to your partner
- Talking about things that strengthen your relationship (not bragging, just commenting)
- Be available to listen to couple friends
- Listen without judging who’s to blame
- Listen without giving advice or taking sides
- Listen and affirm your friend’s value (without having to agree with an opinion which
may divide him or her from a partner—be an advocate for the relationship)
- If possible, listen to both partners
- Encourage them to talk to each other first—they need to be their own first line of
problem solving and support
- Encourage the couple not to give up—working at it is half the battle
- Urge them to talk things out, using problem solving skills
- Reflect on their actions from the other person’s viewpoint
- Recommend that they spend five times as much time showing care and affection as they
do in arguing
- Encourage them to read and learn—especially about communication skills
- Introduce couple friends to other couples or professionals who could encourage or
assist them
- Provide friendship which complements rather than competes or corrodes the relationship
- Use time with one (or both) members to enjoy companionship and mutual support rather
than dwell on the faults of a spouse or troubles of the relationship
- Show respect and support for your friend’s (child’s, sibling’s) spouse—as if you were
his/her best friend and wanted to bring the best out of him/her
- Avoid meeting at times when your friend/relative has couple/family obligations
- Discourage talk about alternative relationships or activities which compromise marital
commitment (pornography, flirting, drunkenness, etc.: even though it’s up to each
person to take care of their own relationship, it’s a lot easier when their friends
are encouraging them to do the right thing)
- In a spirit of caring, gently remind your friend of promises and accountability when
he/she messes up in the relationship
- Give couple friends gifts every once-in-a-while which help them build a strong relationship.
For example…
- Babysitting (for their night out)
- Pictures (of their happy times together)
- Practical items (tables, stools, cribs, etc.) from garage sales
- Practical help (home improvement, lawn care) to teach skills and save money
- Hospitality (dinner invitation or just listening)
- Celebration (shared successes or events for one which affirm the other: "She couldn’t
have done it without him behind her.")
