It is possible for unhealthy behaviors to exist in a healthy relationship at times i.e., a conflict that escalated to hurtful words. While arguing is normal, healthy conflict resolution can exist through empathy and open communication. Relationships become abusive when those unhealthy behaviors are used intentionally to exert power and control. Unhealthy behaviors should not happen often. If you are noticing a pattern of these behaviors or they feel like they are escalating, these are red flags (warning signs) that can lead to abuse.
Everyone has the right to feel valued, respected, and safe in their relationships no matter what.
Signs of a healthy relationship include:
- Open communication: You talk about feelings, experiences, and boundaries with honesty and empathy.
- Respect and trust: You listen to each other, even during disagreements, without fear of escalation.
- Independence: You enjoy spending time together but are also happy apart.
- Mutual decision-making: Choices, including financial decisions, are made together comfortably.
- Safe intimacy: Discussions about physical affection or sex are respectful and consensual.
Unhealthy relationships may include:
- One person always making decisions without considering the other’s input.
- Disregard for feelings or opinions.
- Dishonesty about activities, intentions, or whereabouts.
- Use of hurtful words during arguments.
- Pressure into intimacy or sexual activity.
- Isolation from friends or family.
If you notice these behaviors, try:
- Having an honest conversation about what’s bothering you.
- Asking your partner for help finding solutions that work for both of you.
Red flags to watch for:
- They refuse to acknowledge their unhealthy behavior.
- They do not make lasting changes after discussions.
- You feel unsafe bringing up your concerns.
Abusive relationships involve power, control, and fear. Signs may include:
Your partner may:
- Threaten to hurt themselves or others if you leave.
- Try to isolate you from friends, family, or school.
- Physically or sexually hurt you.
- Verbally degrade, intimidate, or blame you.
- Monitor your communications, social media, or movements.
- Have extreme mood swings or show jealousy and possessiveness.
You may feel:
- Like you are walking on eggshells around them.
- Fearful of responding to calls or messages.
- Pressured to change your appearance, behavior, or plans.
- Afraid to seek help or talk to others about the relationship.
If you think you might be in a relationship with someone who is abusing you in any way, please know you are not alone and support is available on campus and in the community.