Consent

Consent occurs when both people agree to have sex. It is KNOWING that both of the partners want to engage in a certain sexual behavior, whether that be kissing, fondling, manual or oral stimulation of the genitals, or sexual intercourse.

 

Consent is:

• Voluntary: Both partners must be willing to engage in the sexual activity, without any sort of pressure, force, or coercion. Sex will be better if both partners are willing and ready to do it.

• Sober: Consent cannot be given unless both partners are of sober and sound mind. Sex that occurs while a partner is intoxicated or high is not consensual, informed sexual behavior – it is sexual assault.

• Enthusiastic:  Both partners need to be excited about the sexual activity, not reluctant. If you engage in a sexual behavior with a partner who is reluctant or unsure, it is sexual assault.

• Verbal: While it is true that body language can communicate consent, it is too often misinterpreted and can set a dangerous precedent. It is better to get consent in a verbal “Yes.” Or even, “Yes, Yes, Oh! Yes!”

• Non-Coerced: All sexual behavior should be done voluntarily and without facing any sort of coercion or guilt from your partner.

• Continual: For each new sexual act or behavior, consent needs to be gained.  When you begin with kissing, you need to gain consent before you begin touching your partner’s genitals, and then gain consent again before engaging in sexual intercourse.

• Active: Respect your partner and actively seek their consent. And your partner, in return, needs to actively give their consent. If you know your partner is excited and as into the moment as you are, you will have a better sexual experience.

• Honest: If you or your partner is uncomfortable with a particular sexual behavior, then be honest about that discomfort and find another behavior that will make both of you feel comfortable. For example, if you don’t like oral sex, tell your partner and find another way to experience or give pleasure to your partner.

Anything less than voluntary, sober, enthusiastic, verbal, non-coerced, continual, active, and honest consent is sexual assault.

 

Don’t Kill the Mood

Sometimes people complain that stopping to ask for consent can “kill the mood.”  This is FALSE. Asking for consent not only shows that you respect and care for your partner, but it also shows your creativity and can even make the sexual interaction more intimate.

 

Make Consent Sexy

• Do you like when I do this?

• What would you like me to do for you?

• It makes me so hot when you (kiss/touch/suck/.) me there. What makes you hot?

• Do you want me to (kiss/touch/suck/.)?

 

Make Consent Fun

• Baby, you want to make a bunk bed: me on top, you on bottom?

• May I pleasure you with my tongue?

• Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It’s like a French kiss, but “Down Under.”

• I’ve got the ship.  You’ve got the harbor.  Can I dock for the night?

 

 

Tea Consent video copyright ©2015 Emmeline May and Blue Seat Studios